Casablanca re-cast

I am showing "Casablanca" (with my personalized intro and outro) this Wednesday night on the NYU University Channel (channel 14, I believe, for people on CampusCable) at 8 pm. In honor of that momentous occasion, here is something for you to debate: the contemporary cast for a hypothetical remake of "Casablanca" if it was made this year. Marisa and I spent a shift at work a few months ago working on this, and I just found the Post-It it was written on and decided to streamline it and make a few changes.

"CASABLANCA" RE-CAST! (Warning: LOTS of photos to load!)

+ Rick Blaine


It took me a little while to think of this, but as soon as I did it was a no-brainer. Even though he doesn't have a lot of big-screen movie experience, I think the success of "Mad Men" and all of the awards they get every year qualifies him as a big enough star to sell this project. He has a definite Humphrey Bogart look and is used to wearing double-breasted suits and accessorizing with cigarettes and tumblers of Scotch. I give you Jon Hamm.



+ Ilsa Lund


Again, it took me a few rounds to get to her in my head but once I found her she is perfect for the role. We needed someone foreign (Bergman is Swedish, this actress is French) and someone pouty and with so-called "Classical Beauty" but also someone who can handle some serious drama. I don't think there will be any objections to Eva Green.


One more picture of Eva, because she is so lovely.



+ Captain Louis Renault


This was the one that I had the hardest time with. Claude Raines' portrayal is so iconic and so charming and so unique. His is probably the most memorable performance from the original film (and he was nominated for Best Supporting Actor that year). Even though the character is French, Raines is so British that I cannot conceive of Renault any other way. I originally thought Simon Pegg (but he is too goofy), settled on my beloved Ricky Gervais (eventually decided he would come across as too depressing, like in The Office and Extras), and finally found the PERFECT actor, Martin Freeman. I am so relieved that I found someone satisfactory for this!



+ Victor Laszlo


This character has to be foreign and handsome but completely humorless. Josh Brolin is my favorite current actor and I was hoping to get him into this movie, and this was the best place I could put him. However, he is just too American for this. I thought about Peter Sarsgaard, whom I also love, and Ewan McGregor, whom I love a little less... and I thought a long time about Jude Law, but he is ultimately a little bit too charming as well. However, this is kind of an easy part that mainly requires stoicism, so I am going to grant the part to my original choice, Jonathan Rhys Meyers (I hope that is spelled right).



+ Major Strasser


This was by far the easiest one. No other options here, no runner up. It is a shame that this great actor is going to get typecast as a Nazi officer, but that is up to his agent, not up to me. Strasser can only be played by soon-to-be Best Supporting Actor Christoph Waltz.



+ Ugarte


This is a minor character, true, but Ugarte and his exciting arrest really set the tone for the whole film. Remember the manic, desperate performance by Lorre and his bugged-out eyes. There is no one who could play this but my beloved Steve Buscemi.



+ Sam the Piano Player

I need someone who is funny and charismatic and likable and can play the piano and sing. I know exactly where to go. Dooley Wilson is being replaced by Mos Def.



+ Carl the Waiter

The maitre d'hotel at Rick's cafe has to be big and round and jovial and middle-aged and, again, super charming and lovable. Like Fred Flintstone, or Babe Ruth, or... Walter Sobchack. That's right. John Goodman. (I think I found the only known picture of John in a tuxedo to help you imagine him in Carl's tuxedo from the movie. Amazing, right?)



+ Sascha the Bartender

The Russian bartender has to be lanky and snarky and a little bit sarcastic and quick-tongued and I would like to hear anyone try to object to John Turturro. "I love you, but he pays me!"



+ Signor Ferrari

Ferrari is a little bit obnoxious and a little bit of a blowhard and definitely large in size. We are continuing the parade of the Johns with a slight variation: we are removing the "h" to cast Jon Lovitz. The picture with the suit and the cigar should convince any skeptics that Lovitz can fill in for Sydney Greenstreet.



+ Yvonne

Yvonne is the patriotic French woman who had some kind of relationship with Rick. She drinks too much and even flirts with the enemy while wasting her time at the bar of Rick's Cafe. In her most memorable scene, she tearfully shouts aloud the lyrics to "Le Marseillaise". So we need a beautiful brunette who is French and knows the words to the French national anthem. It is pretty obvious that the right choice is Audrey Tautou, and if you don't believe me, watch her recent romcom "Hors de Prix" (aka "Priceless"), in which she wears slinky dresses and drinks too much at hotel bars, just like the minor character Yvonne.



+ Annina (the Bulgarian refugee)

Again, this is a pretty small role with only a handful of scenes, but we need a beautiful young brunette who is just waiting for her breakout role. I'm giving it to Mary Elizabeth Winstead not only because I know she can handle it, but because she NEEDS to work in a good film sometime soon. Pleeeeaaase.



The cinematographer is going to be Roger Deakins. But I still need a director.

Any comments or criticisms?